The Apple iPhone's 'Notch' Abomination is Spreading and There is Not a Goddamned Thing you can Do About It

When I first saw 'The Notch', its barbarism felt like a cheese-grater against my brain. I couldn't take it. It was a total, fucking eyesore. I found peace in the fact that it was an 'Apple iPhone thing' at the time, and I was an avid Android user. I'd cast aside the Cult of Apple a decade or so ago, and took solace in the idea that the despicable nonsense of 'The Notch' would be rejected and cast aside by civilized society, obviously. My devices would be safe.

I would be safe.

... or maybe not.

It didn't last. It's coming to more and more devices. With the last Android update on my beloved Pixel 2 XL, I noticed a new setting, buried deep -- hidden away, like a monstrous, threatening thing that was watching, waiting, to crawl out from its abyss and pull all back into oblivion with it. This setting added a software 'Notch' into my screen, likely for devs to design and program their apps around. I was aghast at what this implied for the future of my Android devices and I felt like huddling in the corner, wrapped up into a fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing as this abomination, my oppressor, beat me -- nonstop. Would the beatings end? Could they end?

No. The beatings will continue -- until morale improves.

As time went on, I've seen more devices with this invasive creature -- 'The Notch'. It's spreading like a virus and it's not going away. Maybe it's just becoming more of a norm as time goes on, or maybe it's something more... insidious. I can already feel it happening. It seems to be growing on me -- perhaps literally, like a symbiotic parasite as I acquiesce to its power over my now feeble, dominated, mind and body. My withering spirit buckles under the weight, and it seems to be consuming every aspect of me whole.

Maybe I'm being beaten down into submission. Maybe I'm experiencing a horrible bout of Stockholm Syndrome. Can I be saved or am I doomed to fall into the maw of 'The Notch'? I don't have much time left and I cannot resist much longer... but...

... maybe 'The Notch' is actually a good idea? Maybe it's... kind of beautiful? Maybe it saves all through the power of 95% screen coverage? Maybe we can find solace in the idea that we can have our camera-cake, and a screen that eats all chins and foreheads, too?

...

... join us. Bask in the twisted beauty of 'The Notch' -- AND BE SAVED!

/bows head, hands clasped

"Under The Notch's Eye." 

"Blessed be The Notch."